Imagine a woman with her hair on fire, blowing into the room with lips pursed in anticipation for a year’s worth of tales that have been bottled up. That’s me. I am that woman. I have been so preoccupied with motherhood, travel, moving, life, that I’ve set my passion for writing aside. I once thought this blog would be my outlet and it never really blossomed before I lost sight of the long term vision. I apologize to you and to myself and I will attempt to set myself on schedule, as I have a lot of ideas for posts ahead.

With that said, let’s catch up. We are back overseas and have been since September 2019. We are currently residing in… drumroll, please… The Azores, Portugal. Where is that, you might ask? It’s an archipelago in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, belonging to Portugal. We are about a 2.5 hour flight to mainland Portugal, which is quite a haul. For reference, Boston, Massachusetts is about a 4 hour flight. So weird.

I remember when I first heard about The Azores years ago from another traveling family, it conjured thoughts of a tropical paradise with a Mediterranean vibe. Which, is actually a pretty fair generalization. However, we’ve come to learn so much about these tiny islands and it’s something you can only experience to really appreciate the charm of this place.

The streets are small and winding with spikey aloe plants, hibiscus, and hydrangeas growing in abundance. The landscape is green rolling hills speckled with cows, horses, and goats enclosed by volcanic rock fences. The ocean is visible from nearly every corner of the island and the smell of salt water permeates the air in the most gorgeous way. The climate is really quite temperate, never getting too hot or too cold. Rain is more an issue than temperature. Rain drifts in and out with ease and without notice. One must always be prepared to pack up and head indoors without a moment’s notice.

The people are kind, welcoming, and so chill. The shops are mostly small businesses, as are the restaurants. The food is cozy, a moderate blend of seafood and beef, and is infused with pepper and Mediterranean spices that fill your mouth with depth and oaky bliss. And, the coffee. Oh, the coffee and pastries bring me so much joy. Cafes/bakeries line the streets with outdoor seating aplenty and a heavy, sweet scent that pours out onto the street that grabs you by the nose, pulling you in without contest. I’m sure I will remember the taste of Meia de Leites (espresso and milk) and Dona Amélias (Azorean spice cakes) on a lazy afternoon for the rest of my life. It’s simply heaven.

It’s just such a vibe here. The relaxed island approach coupled with Portuguese traditions and a landscape like no place else. It’s unforgettable. If only for a year, I am pleased to call this place home.

I bought this blog page 2 weeks ago. I thought you should know that. It took me two long weeks to settle my life and mind enough to rattle out my first post. That is anxiety.

I have struggled with anxiety and depression most of my years on this planet. Whether or not I knew how to articulate those emotions in my early years is a fair question, but here I sit at thirty years old and clearly remember feeling like I am experiencing life emotionally different than my most of my peers. Trying to justify my lengthy struggle with depression and anxiety is not something I am interested in doing here [or ever], but trust me when I say, I am often imprisoned by my own emotional mind.

Tonight is one such night. I cannot sleep, I cannot relax, and I cannot explain it. My sweet husband lay sleeping in the bed downstairs and I even have two lovely houseguests staying over that are tucked away in the guest bedroom. But, here I sit sipping wine and trying to quiet the racing thoughts in my mind and raging through my chest.

Why, you ask? I am not sure. I cannot explain what I do not understand. All I know is I struggle to control it from time to time and I need you to know that. I  need to be more vocal about this, because every time things get so bad, I feel so alone. I feel like I cannot share things that have no definitive explanations. I am a very logical person and anxiety/depression is the most illogical condition. I should be able to reason through this and make it all come to a rational conclusion. But I can’t. And, you cant.

So, here I sit. Taking the first step in bringing people into the prison in hopes of making my condition a comfortable topic of discussion. I want to share and I want you to share. I want to relate. We need to relate. This is life and not talking about things that ail us does not make them go away.

Yay for heavy first blog post.

❤ Kimberly.