I bought this blog page 2 weeks ago. I thought you should know that. It took me two long weeks to settle my life and mind enough to rattle out my first post. That is anxiety.

I have struggled with anxiety and depression most of my years on this planet. Whether or not I knew how to articulate those emotions in my early years is a fair question, but here I sit at thirty years old and clearly remember feeling like I am experiencing life emotionally different than my most of my peers. Trying to justify my lengthy struggle with depression and anxiety is not something I am interested in doing here [or ever], but trust me when I say, I am often imprisoned by my own emotional mind.

Tonight is one such night. I cannot sleep, I cannot relax, and I cannot explain it. My sweet husband lay sleeping in the bed downstairs and I even have two lovely houseguests staying over that are tucked away in the guest bedroom. But, here I sit sipping wine and trying to quiet the racing thoughts in my mind and raging through my chest.

Why, you ask? I am not sure. I cannot explain what I do not understand. All I know is I struggle to control it from time to time and I need you to know that. I  need to be more vocal about this, because every time things get so bad, I feel so alone. I feel like I cannot share things that have no definitive explanations. I am a very logical person and anxiety/depression is the most illogical condition. I should be able to reason through this and make it all come to a rational conclusion. But I can’t. And, you cant.

So, here I sit. Taking the first step in bringing people into the prison in hopes of making my condition a comfortable topic of discussion. I want to share and I want you to share. I want to relate. We need to relate. This is life and not talking about things that ail us does not make them go away.

Yay for heavy first blog post.

❤ Kimberly.